I once asked someone who had accomplished a great thing ‘what advice would you give to someone who wants do what you’ve done, what do you think they’ll need?’ and her answer was ‘A little naivete! If I had known from the beginning how hard it was going to be, I never would have done it.’
At the time I was a mid-twenties career broad type. I had a degree, worked in technology, and was president of the Professional Women’s Association and I was quite frankly shocked. Was she really preaching ignorance as a good thing? How would I even take that advice. ‘Just start’ she said. Well, fast forward to late thirties Barbara, and I really get what she meant. I mean deep down in my soul do I resonate with the idea that you do not need to know how tough your row is going to be to start hoeing. There have been so many dreams I stopped dreaming because they just weren’t practical, and I finally listened to what everyone said.
‘I want to climb Mount Everest!’ someone shouts.
And we all say ‘What? It is too hard, too cold, and you could die!’
Why? Those things are all true, sure. It is hard cold, and you could die! Why do we instinctively caution others and dissuade them from risk and poor decisions? Close relationships ok, it affects us directly, but we do this with even strangers, coworkers and conversations on public message boards and in many cases where it really wouldn’t affect us at all. What’s with the Hermoinie complex? Is it a know-it-all thing, or maybe a hero thing ( ‘They were going to die, but my words of caution saved them!’)? Perhaps it is because we see ourselves as being good mentors, so we must ment!? Is it because we think they don’t know the risks, or won’t find out? I mean, we live in the google age, my assumption is that people do not need me as a reference guide. Why do we assume our fear is appropriate and something we should convince others of? Perhaps we need to flip that record, and automatically think of all the ways their risky plan COULD succeed. All the lucky and wonderful things that may come as a result!
I like to think it is because we have so much love and empathy for these strangers, that if they hurt, we suffer along with them. So many of us do this, me included, but I’m changing that! We just have to let our lovies mess up sometimes! I’m not going to let you walk off the deep end, but if you jump in the freezing cold pool, maybe, just maybe it is not MY job to tell you you are going to get sick, catch a cold, and die. Maybe if I jump in, and make that bad decision, you could just find me a towel since you know so much about how cold I’ll be. Don’t bubble wrap me from the suffering, just help me band aid up afterward. I’ll make some mistakes, but some things have to be learned the hard way. In Liberia they say ‘if you can’t hear, you can feel!’
So if I, or your kid, or someone you know starts on an big challenging task, like climbing a huge mountain, or going back to school, or getting pregnant at 40, or walking the journey of a million miles, or opening a special school for children who learn differently, don’t hit them with the knee jerk ‘you’re feet will get tired’ and ‘there’s too much paperwork.’ Lets make a conscious choice to encourage our people, even though we know their path will have struggles. Because believe me, they know they will have struggles. Of course there are loads of cases where its appropriate to caution our loved ones. We do it daily, and its correct much of the time. I’m just suggesting that there are times when giving a long list of reasons why things won’t work out, or listing every potiential pitfall along the road, is not the best idea, and asking us all to think about what my wise friend Janet told me about accomplishing great things. That when you begin, you should do so with a little naiveté!
