As a kid there are a lot of ‘nos’ and a lot of ‘don’ts.’ There have to be, because there are a lot of rules of survival you have to learn. Don’t play in the middle of the street, don’t bathe with the toaster, don’t eat poison all come to mind as things our Moms told us ‘No!’ to at one point. Lots of Nos. Now lets add learning the rules of social decorum, more ‘don’ts’. Don’t chew with your mouth open. Don’t slam the door. Don’t hit your sister. Don’t pull the dog’s tail. My point is growin’ up requires a lot of ‘nos’ and ‘don’ts’ and that’s just the way it is. As a kid, everyday you are doing something wrong and getting reprimanded by a teacher, parent, mentor, sibling or family member.

I thought about some times in my adult life when I felt I could do no right, whether it was a bad relationship or a bad boss, times where I just didn’t know the rules and was constantly being ‘corrected’ in various manifestations. Its like you’re being pigeon holed into the ‘bad kid’ role when you are actually good, and frankly it sucks. No matter how gentle the no is delivered, it’s a crappy feeling to have your moves scrutinized and to be corrected constantly, even when you are legitimately trying hard. It’ll do a number on your head too. It kind of makes you want to quit trying, since everything you do is a ‘don’t’ or a ‘no.’ I think this kind of a cycle is where I was stuck with my kid before I had to yank the reigns and change up the game!

Today we enacted a chore chart for my 8 year old. We showed him how to get to ‘DO’ and ‘YES’ and before I was even out of bed, he’d made his own bed, let the chickens out, collected the eggs, and tried to bring up the trash cans, but the trash hadn’t been picked up yet. Just yesterday I felt like I was up to my rolling eyeballs in smells like teen spirit attitude, but this morning it is a whole new game. A morning full of ‘Thank yous’ and compliments and hugs and talk of rewards to come! I have clearly laid out expectations, and he jumped through every hoop I asked. Frustrated to proud literally over night. I praised him heartily! It was then I had the big epiphany: this kid really wants to be good, but I have to clearly lay the path to YES and GO KID GO. Because being told no all day by your parents, teachers, friends, family, and basically everyone would wear on anyone’s soul. I’m so glad I had this aha moment before we are home together all summer! I’ll think on more ways to tell him YES and GO KID GO, and I think the change in attitude will stick!